It’s easy to become overwhelmed when your spouse, parents or child is grappling with an addiction. The first thing to remember is that you will be better able to help if you can remain calm and put together a plan. Make staying calm a priority and take it one step at a time.
This article from Georgia Addiction Treatment will help you with talking to your family member about addiction.
What Do I Do if Someone I Love is Addicted?
When someone we love is struggling with a substance use disorder, our minds can play tricks on us. No one wants to believe the worst-case scenario after all. We may be uncertain about what it will mean if our suspicions are true. What will happen next? Handling addiction is hard enough for the person who is addicted– what can someone else hope to do about it?
These are difficult questions to answer. Addiction is one of those problems that often leaves us with more questions than answers. It’s best not to overthink things. Keeping it simple and putting one foot in front of the other is always sound advice in a crisis and it applies here.
Start by answering these questions for yourself:
- Is there any imminent or immediate danger you are aware of? (if so, tackle it first)
- What do you know for certain? What have you seen with your own eyes?
- What level of willingness, if any, do you expect? Might they accept addiction help?
- Is there anyone else who will back you up in helping this person with their addiction?
- What resources do you/they have available? Medical insurance? Family/friends?
Answering the questions above will help you decide where to begin in talking to your family member about addiction. It will also help you begin to formulate a plan. You may also see that you aren’t alone and you have more resources available to help than you initially thought.
Someone I Love is Addicted–What Should I Know?
Once you’ve answered the questions in the section above, it’s time to think about what your next steps will be. Opening a dialog with the person you’re worried about is key. Even if you’ve already been talking on some level, it may be time for a reset. Especially if the anger and fear levels are too high for anyone to be hearing what the other person is saying.
What you should know is that someone who’s in the throes of addiction is afraid. Fear often manifests itself as anger, but no matter how tough they try to talk, remember that fear is what you’re actually seeing. Remember that. Always be thinking of ways you might alleviate that fear.
Keeping the Focus on Getting Addiction Help for Your Loved One
Remember what your objective is here. You want the person you love to accept help and get addiction treatment. The only way that can happen is if you can maintain an open line of communication. That means being kind and trying to keep the emotional temperature cooled down as much as possible. For now, your number one mission is getting your loved one the help they need, so you need their cooperation and you need for them to talk to you and to listen.
Here are some tips to help you keep the lines of communication open:
Avoid Blame and Shame
Anyone who is struggling with substance use disorder is likely already being pretty hard on themselves. This isn’t the time to remind them of all the awful things they’ve done or how it’s made you feel. There’s a time and place for everything. For right now though, it’s important to try and put any angry feelings in check
No Guilt Trips
By the same token, you also don’t want to try to make your addicted loved one feel guilty. Do not use guilt to try and manipulate them into accepting help. Guilt is a negative emotion. It won’t work and it will likely make them angry or sad or push them further away–which is the opposite of what you want right now.
Tell Them You Love Them
When you talk to your family member about addiction, it can be easy to make assumptions and forget this step. Tell them you love them. Don’t assume they already know. Some families are better than others about expressing love. If you’re already a family that says “I love you” a lot, then you know what to do. Say it even more, and mean it. If you’re a family that doesn’t often express affection that way, it’s time to start. Tell them you love them and show them too. It just might save their life.
Remind Them You’re on Their Side
A person who’s wrapped up in addiction often feels defensive. To them it feels like it’s them and their “right” to get high against you and the rest of the world. Your goal is to slowly help them recognize that you are on their side. The drugs aren’t. The drugs want them dead. The real sides in this battle are YOU and the person you love vs. their addiction. Tell them that. Remind them of it often. Know that their addiction will whisper lies into their ears and try to keep them afraid. Tell the person you love that you believe in them and that you KNOW they can do this.
Don’t Enable or Cosign BS
Being kind and willing to listen to your addicted love one isn’t the same thing as giving them whatever they want. If you know someone is in active addiction, don’t give them cash for any reason. Carefully consider before doing anything to insulate them from consequences of their actions too – you might just be denying them their “bottom” and prolonging their agony, even though your intentions are to help.
Be Honest and Straightforward
Don’t let them “minimize” and agree with them because it’s what they want to hear. You don’t want to criticize them harshly, but it’s OK to be 100% honest about what’s actually happening. There’s a very good chance they are in denial on some level and unaware of just how dire their situation is. So, be kind but also be honest in your assessment of their situation. Also keep any promises you make to them. It’s more important now than ever. You need their trust.
Don’t Just Talk – Also Listen
The person you love is battling a substance use disorder right now. They are in crisis. The world isn’t making sense to them. They may feel like people are turning on them and they are unsure who to trust. It’s very important that they feel seen and heard right now. Even if what they’re saying doesn’t always seem to make a lot of sense. Try to listen and respond to them in a way that lets them know you were listening and you heard what they said. This both shows respect and builds trust. It will also make them more likely to listen to what you have to say.
Georgia Addiction Treatment is Ready to Help
We know what addiction does to families. Most of us have personal experience with addiction our own families, and so we know that talking to your family member about addiction isn’t easy.
When you call Georgia Addiction Treatment, you will be connected to someone who truly understands what you’re going through. We can help you make a plan to get your loved one to treatment or even plan an intervention.
All you need to do is call to get the process started. Contact us online or call us right now at: (855) 952-3546
